Why do people who seem to be successful take their own lives? I was curious about celebrities who committed suicides and my search online led me to Wikipedia’s suicide list.
Years ago, I’d read about Anthony Bourdain whose death saddened me because I’d read his memoir, ‘Kitchen Confidential’ and I had liked it because of his honesty. This time I read about Isabella Blow and Theresa Duncan, about their successes, their creative pursuits, their sadness, and their struggles. Both Blow and Duncan committed suicide in 2007. Depression is alluded to in both their deaths.
I am familiar with depression. I was heavily depressed throughout my 20s through to my 40s, mainly because I was overwhelmed with being the sole bread winner in my family. The financial responsibilities from my family, and the unfair and racist treatment I got almost daily at work was a dark pit that I was pushed into by my grandmother and mother guilt-tripping me. I had suicidal thoughts throughout my 20s and 30s but something always kept me from taking that next step to actually taking my own life.
Looking back now, after reading that Wikipedia Suicide List, I realise that it was solely God’s grace that saved me. It wasn’t easy. I didn’t simply wake up one morning and the thoughts were gone, but they slowly moved away from the front of my mind, to the back of my mind, and then they stopped becoming the first thought that appeared.
But what if you were successful, a celebrity even, with no financial burdens? How does depression get to you? Where does that depression spring from?
I now know that depression can be spiritual warfare. A battle for your mind, your thoughts. A battle for what takes precedence, what you prioritise in your mind is what you prioritise in your life. Your thoughts determine your action.
That’s depression, and what still gets me about it is how it can weigh you down so bad that you feel like you just want to end everything.
Not all of them were from depression; among the named were those who thought themselves matyrs to their cause, like terrorists and seriel killers. But most of them are celebrities and other successful people.
The suicides bother me.