One grandmother, Tai Bou; one grandfather, Tai Jone; two cousins, Teri and Josh; three uncles, Miki, Henry and Sai; three aunts, Tuvou, Mere, and Mereseini. These are those who have died this year. So far. I hope they are the last.
Of all these, I could only attend two funerals, that of Aunty Mere, and Aunty Mereseini. I would have attended Cousin Teri’s funeral had I not gotten ill and had to stay back and babysit my niece Bella.
We are entitled to take only three days of bereavement leave in a year here. I don’t know whether that means that we are limited to mourn for only three days, or that we are allowed to attend only three funerals. I’ve often wondered how anyone is supposed to grieve properly when we are expected to return to work so suddenly.
The work-life balance seems to favour work. I now have only half a day of bereavement leave left. I hope I will not need it.
In a Fijian funeral service, a eulogy is expected from your father’s side of the family as well as from your mother’s side. Either an uncle, a cousin, or a chosen representative will speak for each side, and tell of your good deeds and sparkling personality. Things you might never hear spoken about you while you were alive. All good things, great even. In all my years, I’ve never heard a negative eulogy. I wonder if people are truly afraid of speaking ill of the dead. And in church too.
With so many relatives lost this year, I wonder about the things that survive us. Is it our joy, kindness, and willingness to help? My Aunts’ eulogies commended their love for their families, their charity, and professionalism. One of the speakers at Aunty Mereseini’s funeral service talked about how she founded a local girls rugby team and her support of women’s rugby. He called it her legacy. I kept thinking about that.
But I wonder what is the foundation of any legacy. Is our legacy only what can be seen and measured?
Whose accounting of our lives ultimately matters? Those who survive us, or the One Who will wake us from the dead? What legacy then to leave behind?
I wonder what they will say for someone like me who prefers a quiet life, the stillness and simplicity of a garden, books and writing, and an ever-deeper life with God. Would such a life leave enough evidence behind?
I wonder if three days would be too much, or not enough.